I’m Failing At This Whole Thing

I was mindlessly scrolling through Facebook and Instagram while nursing my newborn daughter. Admiring new homes of friends, accomplishments of family, and let’s be honest… nosing around peoples lives. (Don’t lie, we all do it!) I came across a few fellow mommy’s pages and immediately began to question my overall capability to even be a mom.

I questioned every decision I had ever made and began to question future decisions that Evan and I were going to make for Savannah. I doubted my abilities and feelings that I had towards motherhood. I got mad at myself for not being them.

The Influencer

You know them. They post five minute long stories about the recipe they discovered that is gluten free and vegan. Posts about how they have their kids in name brand clothing doing the most expensive activities in this country. Commenting on others posts about how perfect their lives are and what they can do to be more like them…

I was ready to give up already, and I had only been a mom for about two weeks.

How can I have a spotless house, gluten free and vegan meals, organized closets, perfect schedule for my baby, and never have a sad/mad/bad feeling about any of it?!

My solution at the time…

I could accomplish all of this if I never slept or ate. I could fit in a three minute shower after my thirty minute workout and then I can go on being the perfect mom. I researched the best baby practices, downloaded the latest apps, and began asking a lot of questions.

I could do it. I could eat all the right things for my breastfed baby, be fit, have a spotless house all the time, and do everything perfectly. I was convinced and then within the thirty seconds of figuring it all out… I felt immediate failure.

I’m the worst mom.

I felt defeat before I had even really had the chance to be a mom. I wasn’t fit. I was swollen from the c-section. I didn’t have a spotless house. I was trying to figure out breastfeeding. I didn’t have a baby that slept through the night the first week of their life. I was gluten free or vegan. I was the worst mom ever.

I don’t think that the influencers motive is to make moms feel bad, but I also don’t think they know some of the damage they do. Life is messy. Throw a newborn in there and it’s ten times messier. I have never felt failure like that until I saw I couldn’t do what the social media profiles were telling me what I should be doing.

And then came along my mom!

Thankfully, I have a mom who looked at me and told me that I was doing the best I could for my baby. That is what mattered. She was fed, clothed, had a clean diaper, and was happy. My house could wait. My body would eventually go back to the way it was. I needed to eat healthy, but I didn’t have to starve myself for it. My mom spoke life over me.

I wasn’t and I’m not a failure as a mom. I figured it out as we went. Each day, Savannah and I got to know each other better. She began to figure out this little world and I began to figure out how to be the best mom for her.

She isn’t swaddled at every nap. We don’t have a strict schedule. I let her sleep past the two hour mark. But guess what… she’s so happy and healthy. She gained three pounds in one month! She smiles and laughs and talks. And I don’t follow every rule that I’m suppose to according to the professional mommy’s out there!!

So new mommies out there with me… we aren’t failures or the worst moms. We are the best moms for our babies. We do what they need and we do it well. We hear their cries and know what it means. We hold them when they nap and that’s okay. They are well loved and that’s what matters.

And to my influencers and want to be influencers. It’s okay for you to have a bad day too. We don’t have to be perfect. We aren’t perfect. I challenge you to post about a time you didn’t follow the rules. A time when you had to hand your kid off to your husband at three in the morning just so you could breathe a minute without exploding. Or a time you had a whiny baby that wanted to be held all day so you did. Or a time you didn’t eat a gluten free meal because it was a rough day and you just wanted a cupcake. Guess what?! We will still love you.

We are all mommies just trying our best. And our babies love us whether or not we are perfect all the time.

Now, if you’ll excuse me… this failing mom has a load of laundry to fold while my baby naps in her swing…